All introverts feel like outcasts at times. But there may be no one who feels more like an outsider than women of the INTJ personality type. While INTJ men can generally fit in with other men, many INTJ women don't fit in with other women - or sometimes with anyone at all. I can't pretend to be able to fix that, at least not alone. As an INTJ man, I'm no spokesperson for the women of my personality type. But I can see that my female INTJ friends and colleagues really struggle to be understood, so I decided to recruit expert help in the form of career coach Penelope Trunk. Trunk is an ENTJ personality, the INTJ's extroverted twin. She also has one of the largest followings of female INTJ readers of any blogger in the world. Trunk got those readers because she gives INTJs exactly what we want: blunt, no-nonsense answers. I talked with Trunk about the difficulties that INTJ women face. What's your personality type? Trunk said that INTJ women are right to feel like they don't fit in - because they often don't. "INTJ women just aren't typical of women in general," she told me. "INTJ is the rarest personality type for women." In fact, at about 0.5 percent of the population, INTJ women might be the rarest of any gender/type combination (perhaps only rivaled by INFJ men). That means, as an INTJ woman, you could easily go your whole life and meet only a few other women like you.
INTJ women smash gender stereotypes.
Gray or black seems to be the unofficial dress code for all INTJs, and many INTJ women wear minimal makeup. They prefer function over fashion. Many have a system for what to wear and when, so they don't have to think about it. Many INTJ women don't enjoy traditional female activities like shopping. They tend to shop alone, with a checklist, and get in and out as quickly as possible. Work and school are not social activities for INTJ women. They focus on accomplishing goals, and as introverts, they're often alienated from the bonding that everyone else goes through. Many INTJ women are told they're intimidating. People think their no-nonsense attitude is an act that they will drop sooner or later. But it's just who they are. INTJ women smash gender stereotypes. Many are drawn to careers that aren't "typical" female jobs, such as in management, information systems, the sciences, etc. But the biggest difference between INTJs and other women is simply temperament. Most INTJ women aren't "warm" the way women are expected to be, and they're rarely the emotional partner in any relationship. INTJs do have deep emotional needs, like anyone else, but they generally prefer to keep their feelings private. Trunk said this temperament is exactly what makes INTJ women generally so competent and successful in the workplace. "Every organization needs people who will make cool, dispassionate decisions," she said.
39;s emotional needs, and they tend to be goal-oriented and financially independent.
I took this answer to a group of nearly one hundred INTJ women, and they resoundingly agreed. Most have only a few female friends, and many were tomboys as kids. Over and over, I heard that female politics or "girl stuff" is like a foreign language, one they're expected to speak but were never taught. Several even wondered how much more they could have accomplished with their powerful minds if they had been born male. Instead, they're constantly questioned for their blunt, sensible attitude. "If I were a dude, my workplace wouldn't care about my demeanor and personality being the way it is," one told me. But it's not just the workplace that's hard. Relationships can be even harder. According to Trunk, "INTJ women don't need a lot of the things out of a relationship that a traditional relationship provides. They aren't going to take care of all their partner's emotional needs, and they tend to be goal-oriented and financially independent. According to Trunk, this also leads to the biggest mistake INTJ women make. "They settle. They start to try to fake it, and they downplay their competence. They know it puts people off so they try to hide it." Trunk said this gamble never pays off. "You can't fake it. You'll still seem different. To me, what Trunk described sounded like a catch 22. How can you find acceptance, if you're an outsider whether you try to fit in or not?
But Trunk said that fitting in with the female norm wasn't the point at all. 1. Seek out other women with big goals. "As an INTJ woman, your aspirations might be outside of traditional female roles, but you're not the only one. Surround yourself with women with big ambitions - you'll fit in." Professional associations, women's leadership events, and continuing education classes are all great places to meet ambitious women. 2. Give yourself permission to be you. Many INTJ women don't act like the "typical" woman, and sometimes they aren't drawn to careers that are traditionally female - and that's okay. Give yourself permission to do what works for you. As an added bonus, when you become more comfortable in your own skin, others will naturally respect and accept you more. 3. Seek a partner who understands your emotional needs. Even though they tend to keep their feelings to themselves, INTJ women aren't emotionless robots. They have emotional needs, too, and they want to feel loved and cared for, just like anyone else. If dealing with emotional matters isn't your strong suite, consider seeking a partner or friends who can do the emotional "heavy-lifting" in the relationship.
He writes about heroism, spirituality, introversion, and using travel as a transformative practice.
4. Try meeting friends at work. Being accepted and understood feels very good to an INTJ woman, but it can be hard to find that acceptance with family members. Instead, turn to the colleagues you admire the most. These are the people who will respect your natural competence and like your personality. There's a much bigger world out there than "girl stuff," and there are both men and women who will appreciate you for who you are. There's nothing wrong with you. In fact, the world could use more women like you. Seminar for INTJs: Our partner Quistic offers a course for INTJ success. "Best Practices for Leveraging INTJ Strengths (and How to Be a Likable INTJ)" is a four-part webinar from career coach Penelope Trunk. Includes access to a private Facebook group with nearly 200 success-oriented INTJs. Learn more about the INTJ course here. Did you enjoy this article? Sign up for our newsletters to get more stories like this. This article contains affiliate links. We only recommend products we truly believe in. Andre Sólo is an advocate for introverts and highly sensitive people, and the co-founder of Highly Sensitive Refuge. He writes about heroism, spirituality, introversion, and using travel as a transformative practice. In 2013, he released Lúnasa Days, a novella set at the height of the Great Recession. Reviewers have described Lúnasa Days as "a masterpiece of magical realism." In his spare time, he pesters his cats, makes up stories, and swears he's fixing his bicycle.
Scott Shelly ( Hangul:셸리 ) is one of the female protagonists in the webtoon. She begins a one-sided relationship with Jay at the start of the series but as the story progress they have a mutual crush on each other and as of chapter 378 they are in a relationship. Shelly is the only female member of the Humming Bird Crew. Because she stayed at England before coming to Korea her personality is perceived as very headstrong. She does not like it when people talk badly about her friends, especially Jay. Shelly also has a lot of stamina and strength, she can keep up with the group's pace when racing and can actually send people flying with her punch (Although that may be for comedic reasons) but never got into the street fights with the guys of the crew. When she was hit on in her first appearance on the series she refused with a lot of sass. Mia described her as someone who can confidently express her thoughts and feelings. Although her words are harsh, it is because she never sugar coated her words with her friends. And with Jay, Shelly is very clingy and flirtatious. She has very foreign features: pale skin, her eyes actually look more mint green in color than blue, blond wavy hair. It is known later in the series that she has a tattoo in the side of her arm near the wrist that reads out "temet nosce" or "Know Thyself". At school she wears her uniform usually without the red vest and both wears the skirt and pants.
She is often seen wearing high-end brand clothing, but also occasionally wearing street wear and tomboyish clothes. When riding her bike, she usually wears a jacket and helmet with the same color as her eyes or the Hummingbird crew's hood. She is tall, with long thin legs, a small waist and a bigger bust. Not much is known about Shelly, but it is established that she is from England and she requested to transfer to Sunny High School because of Jay. It was told in an early episode (Ep. 27) that she will be in Korea for one semester. Shelly is the granddaughter of Sunny High School's principal, Nick. When Shelly was a kid, she didn't want to get married and promised Nick that she will just live with him forever, which caused Nick to think that Shelly is not interested to guys until she got interested in Jay. That also caused the over protectiveness of her grandfather. Jay saw what happened and chased the thieves to get her purse back. She refused on taking him to the hospital but Jay refused. She picked up his student ID that had fallen to the ground and, motivated by her encounter with Jay, called her grandfather, asking him to let her attend Sunny High School. Her second meeting with Jay was in their classroom. She kissed him out of the blue and the gossip that Shelly and Jay were in a relationship quickly spread around the school.
When Jay, Dom and Minu got suspended, Shelly visited them and scolded Dom and Minu badly about how Jay got caught with their actions. Jay got pissed and told her to screw off, she ended up crying and running away. When Jay was about to say sorry, he got a pink rose from Minu, saying that he should give it to her. He couldn't and Shelly went on saying that she'll forgive him if he became her boyfriend for a week and Jay agreed. She joined Hummingbird as the only female on the team, she continued to flirt with Jay and when Jay was teaching Mia how to ride a bike, she kept on intervening and wanting him to teach her even though she knows how. On a special episode, Shelly was seen riding a bike in Jay's neighborhood. Minu and Kay noticed her, Kay was thinking of who might Shelly go out with and ended up being shocked that it was his brother. In the last scene, Jay and Shelly are resting after riding their bike together, and she comments that Jay suits biking more than studying. The Preliminaries for the League of Street has started, only Dom and Jay were able to race at the first two rounds. After that, they found out that Jay's birthday was near and planned to celebrate it. She didn't showed up at school on his birthday because she was the one who prepared the gift that they got for him.